Pigeons – the symbol of peace, grace and serenity. When you
have a good glance at this angel-like bird covered with mystique white feathers,
lots of things comes in your mind like environment protection, world harmony,
peaceful presence etc. etc. (Don’t blah blah me you douchebag…….) But one thing
of which I am sure won’t ever come to your mind whenever you think of this
angelic bird is; beating the crap out of it. No, I mean ‘literally’ beating the
crap out of it. But then, I keep forgetting that you are dumber than you look
(which I assume you have found out till now). So, probably you have forgotten
till now that we are dealing with the ‘third kind’ here.
Like most of my roommate’s errand, this one also happened in
my absence, long before I had met him. Once he opened with me enough, (You
fucking faggot, always thinking on dirty lines!) he told me a series of
extraordinary and bizarre stories which gave me the idea to create this blog
and this tale is from some of the earliest ones.
Okay, enough chit chat. (I know half of you witless branies
have no idea what I keep writing, but still, you come here to read my stuff
\M/) Now I shall share the astonishing ‘case of molested pigeon’ from a second
person perspective (Please don’t try to grab a literature book now, it’s too
late)
It just happened that my roommate used to sleep very late in
the night or we can say, early in the morning for obvious reasons (Run your
imagination horses now folks!). As a consequence, his awakening time was also
late in the porning……. I mean morning……… typing mistake. The thing was, when he
used to go to the bed, he used to be tired like hell for obvious reasons (run,
run, spank your horse!). Now I want you to imagine something (I assume you are
good at least in this one thing). Imagine, you are tired, so much tired that
every single bone in your body is screaming for mercy and you are going to
sleep on a soft and cozy bed. The moment you go deep in your sweetest dreams,
you hear something. You hear the flapping of wings which, for a moment, you
presume is the sound of masturbating. The sound increases gradually; flap..flap…flap…FLAP!!!
And gone is the dream, gone is your friend’s girlfriend who was about to get
naked……… ignore the last sentence……..
Now you are angry. You are angry like hell because you won’t
be able to sleep that peacefully again. When you try to look at the origin of
that fucking sound, you see a pigeon. Yes, a pigeon; staring at you blankly, as
if challenging you to stop it. Imagine the intensity of such an incident if it
keeps happening to you for several days. What will you do then? How you will
tackle such an innocent and graceful bird who just can’t stop spoiling your
beautiful sleep? Will you close the window? Will you feed it outside the room?
WHAT EXACTLY WILL YOU DO? It was the very thing which happened with my roommate.
He beat the crap out of it.
True story, after three days of suffering, he was unable to
take it any longer. He was annoyed by the bird for two things; it won’t let him
sleep at any cost and if it got stuck in the fan, he didn’t want its blood and
flesh splattered on his face. So he planned to end it once and for all.
When the bird entered the room at fourth day, little it knew
that the devil a.k.a. my roommate was awoke and ready to strike back. As soon
as the pigeon put its tiny little claw on the room’s floor, my roommate quickly
closed the windows. Without any further ado, he picked up an wooden stick (I
have no idea why the fuck he keep that wooden stick in the room. Maybe I am
next) and started beating the bird. The angelic pigeon which many consider a
symbol of peace and harmony was beaten brutally with a stick……… I hope you are
figuring all this in your mind. It was a whole new experience for the white saint;
being beaten to crap. Either the poor bird was scared to hell or it became so
much offensive that it adopted the literal meaning of its condition. It crapped
all over my roommate’s bed. Enraged by this scandalous behavior, my roommate
was completely consumed by devil’s soul and he increased the beating to 2X. The
bird dutifully followed his beating pattern and started crapping
proportionately.
Finally, a time came when the devil got bored of it and left
my roommate’s body and hence, the beating stopped. Drenched in sweat and
exhausted with such a tiresome effort, my roommate opened the windows. The bird
left the room faster than a lightning bolt and was never seen again. Thus, the
case of molested bird was made…….. I never said it was solved……..
It was a warning; a warning to all the small and delicate
birds who take human beings for granted and behave obscenely with them like
crapping on your most favorite shirt or something like that as if we are their
personal property. It marked my roommate a legend who started this without
anyone’s help and won the fight. His meaning was clear and a source of
inspiration for all of us: BEWARE BIRDIES! WE ARE COMING TO FUCK YOU!!
*Technical text. No need to read: 5GRHWT593X3P
*Technical text. No need to read: 5GRHWT593X3P
