The Case Of Molested Pigeon

Pigeons – the symbol of peace, grace and serenity. When you have a good glance at this angel-like bird covered with mystique white feathers, lots of things comes in your mind like environment protection, world harmony, peaceful presence etc. etc. (Don’t blah blah me you douchebag…….) But one thing of which I am sure won’t ever come to your mind whenever you think of this angelic bird is; beating the crap out of it. No, I mean ‘literally’ beating the crap out of it. But then, I keep forgetting that you are dumber than you look (which I assume you have found out till now). So, probably you have forgotten till now that we are dealing with the ‘third kind’ here.

Like most of my roommate’s errand, this one also happened in my absence, long before I had met him. Once he opened with me enough, (You fucking faggot, always thinking on dirty lines!) he told me a series of extraordinary and bizarre stories which gave me the idea to create this blog and this tale is from some of the earliest ones.

Okay, enough chit chat. (I know half of you witless branies have no idea what I keep writing, but still, you come here to read my stuff \M/) Now I shall share the astonishing ‘case of molested pigeon’ from a second person perspective (Please don’t try to grab a literature book now, it’s too late)

It just happened that my roommate used to sleep very late in the night or we can say, early in the morning for obvious reasons (Run your imagination horses now folks!). As a consequence, his awakening time was also late in the porning……. I mean morning……… typing mistake. The thing was, when he used to go to the bed, he used to be tired like hell for obvious reasons (run, run, spank your horse!). Now I want you to imagine something (I assume you are good at least in this one thing). Imagine, you are tired, so much tired that every single bone in your body is screaming for mercy and you are going to sleep on a soft and cozy bed. The moment you go deep in your sweetest dreams, you hear something. You hear the flapping of wings which, for a moment, you presume is the sound of masturbating. The sound increases gradually; flap..flap…flap…FLAP!!! And gone is the dream, gone is your friend’s girlfriend who was about to get naked……… ignore the last sentence……..

Now you are angry. You are angry like hell because you won’t be able to sleep that peacefully again. When you try to look at the origin of that fucking sound, you see a pigeon. Yes, a pigeon; staring at you blankly, as if challenging you to stop it. Imagine the intensity of such an incident if it keeps happening to you for several days. What will you do then? How you will tackle such an innocent and graceful bird who just can’t stop spoiling your beautiful sleep? Will you close the window? Will you feed it outside the room? WHAT EXACTLY WILL YOU DO? It was the very thing which happened with my roommate. He beat the crap out of it.

True story, after three days of suffering, he was unable to take it any longer. He was annoyed by the bird for two things; it won’t let him sleep at any cost and if it got stuck in the fan, he didn’t want its blood and flesh splattered on his face. So he planned to end it once and for all.

When the bird entered the room at fourth day, little it knew that the devil a.k.a. my roommate was awoke and ready to strike back. As soon as the pigeon put its tiny little claw on the room’s floor, my roommate quickly closed the windows. Without any further ado, he picked up an wooden stick (I have no idea why the fuck he keep that wooden stick in the room. Maybe I am next) and started beating the bird. The angelic pigeon which many consider a symbol of peace and harmony was beaten brutally with a stick……… I hope you are figuring all this in your mind. It was a whole new experience for the white saint; being beaten to crap. Either the poor bird was scared to hell or it became so much offensive that it adopted the literal meaning of its condition. It crapped all over my roommate’s bed. Enraged by this scandalous behavior, my roommate was completely consumed by devil’s soul and he increased the beating to 2X. The bird dutifully followed his beating pattern and started crapping proportionately.

Finally, a time came when the devil got bored of it and left my roommate’s body and hence, the beating stopped. Drenched in sweat and exhausted with such a tiresome effort, my roommate opened the windows. The bird left the room faster than a lightning bolt and was never seen again. Thus, the case of molested bird was made…….. I never said it was solved……..

It was a warning; a warning to all the small and delicate birds who take human beings for granted and behave obscenely with them like crapping on your most favorite shirt or something like that as if we are their personal property. It marked my roommate a legend who started this without anyone’s help and won the fight. His meaning was clear and a source of inspiration for all of us: BEWARE BIRDIES! WE ARE COMING TO FUCK YOU!!    

*Technical text. No need to read: 5GRHWT593X3P